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Our friends for over two decades, a person who's overcome several hardships, her resilience is commendable. But, she has been repeatedly taken by surprise by people. Her partner ended their marriage, and it was a huge shock. Many of her friends vanished during that time, since they had been drawn to the spouse. This surprised her deeply. She put in greater energy in our friendship, probably understood more acutely the meaning of companionship.

The Pattern of Disappearance

Throughout this period, many in her circle have drifted apart without her being knowing the cause. Her previous job suddenly changed toward her, even though she had been an excellent employee, her exit happened without knowing what had changed.

How Things Stand Now

Recently, we've both stepped back from work leading to more time together, but I am finding my role between us is to listen. I introduce topics of conversation and she changes conversation onto things she cares about. In terms of politics, she holds strong opinions. My effort is to propose double-checking information or other angles.

She's been organizing a holiday abroad I've visited on several occasions and resided in for some time. My intention was to offer personal experiences, but this was not welcomed. She purely just desired my agreement with her choices. I've just returned from a month there and she wants to reconnect, but I don't.

Considering the Choices

I am unwilling to be a friend who cuts and runs without explanation, but I don't think she can comprehend the effect of her behaviour on how I feel about myself. At this point, my state is distancing myself. What should I do?

Possible Paths

One option is to end things abruptly, yet this is seldom the easy answer that we desire. But confrontation with the goal of working things out requires bravery and openness from both people.

Experts suggest using a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Step one requires explaining what typically happens during your discussions. Aim for this to be objective and clear and essentially exactly what occurs. Next is to express the way it leaves you feeling. There should be no disagreement here. Emotions are your feelings, naturally. The third step is to question how the two of you will alter the dynamics between you."

Remember your friend has her own side, so you need to be prepared to listen to her. A helpful technique is to say your friend:

"Please share your thoughts while I will listen without interrupting for half an hour."

This can be impactful to encourage understanding.

Final Thoughts

She may dismiss everything, since certain individuals have a “survival narrative”: they have a narrative of their life they're unable to let go of because their very survival relies on it being the only thing they trust. It's tough when there seems no easy route in such cases, just dead ends. But she may start out defensively and then think your perspective. And even if a resolution isn't found a resolution, it provides satisfaction knowing you were honest with her.